N. L. East Crystal Ball….

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As the National League East is the division the Phillies are in, I have decided to review the NL East a little differently than I did the other divisions, but not much differently.

Anyone with any sort of technical savvy should be aware, that all major league websites are controlled and sourced through a centralized system, which is why they basically have the same layout and the same MLB news items, there are areas which are specific to the actual clubs feeds, but still the look and feel of each website is similar to the extent that if you find something on one about that club, you should be able to find the same thing on another clubs site about that particular club. Well if you’re still following this thought then the rest should make some sense.
I decided to review specific things that may be of interest to one fan or another and I looked at the same on each website, this is how it turned out.

The Washington Nationals will without question be at the bottom of the division again this year, even though they have a player that if utilized could be a contender for the 2010 ROY award, that would be Ian Desmond. Anyway I digress, the Nats website…

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…is headlined “Get Your RED On” What the hell does that mean? I looked RED up on google, bing even yahoo, but couldn’t find anything that remotely related to visiting the Washington Nationals and cheering them on, is this just more inaccurate promotional work coming out of Washington. I hunted for the Nats mascot and any ballgirls or cheerleaders or similar and found this, a mascot called ‘Screech‘ which looked a lot like ‘Swoop’ in a Nats uniform, which was kind of ironic since they were also advertising the Eagles this summer, just in case anyone is confused, that’s the band Eagles not the NFL team they are promoting. I couldn’t find any ball girls, softball team, cheerleaders or anything like that on the Nationals website which probably means they are all working as interns somewhere in DC.


The Florida Marlins, will try very hard this year, but will only manage to be good enough to finish 4th in this division, the Marlins website however…

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…claimed ‘Serious Fun’ and invited people to ‘Get In On It’, okay I have to ask, “get in on what?”, then I found the Mermaids and realized what the fun was and what they wanted you to get in on, so no need to google, bing or yahoo anything. I did try to find out what the entry requirements were to be a Mermaid, cause it looked at first glance that they had just got together a group of Hooters employees, but I found that you can actually hire these Mermaids for private functions, and there’s me thinking that would be classed as pimping and be illegal, but I guess Miami-Dade anything goes especially when you have trouble voting on issues.

The Atlanta Braves have an excellent pitching rotation, if all are healthy and pitching to form, but they lack some other factors which will be needed to make a run at this division, they should finish 3rd again this year thanks mostly to the pitching staff. The Braves website…
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…continues to tell everyone how wonderful Turner Field is, even though it hasn’t been that way for a number of years now. There was some good news though I found out that the Braves have a mascot called ‘Homer’ so i looked around for the big yellow headed dude with the pot belly eating donuts, but alas all I found was what looked like a poorly cloned ‘Mr Met’. The good news was they actually appear to have some hot chicks still living in Atlanta, I am not sure being a member of something called the ‘Tomahawk Team’ is going to inspire a future mate to actually close their eyes and fall asleep with one of them in the same building never mind room.


The New York Mets if everyone is healthy, especially Reyes who needs to stays off the sauce, or whatever he’s been on, should make a vast change from last year, still it won’t be enough to win the division. The Mets website though maybe even worse than the Nats

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….there is lots of invites for you to spend money, they promote a belief in comebacks, obviously they have Mr. Met, but he was hard to find and I had to surf via pages telling me I can join this or that for a nominal fee. It seems to be all about Citi Field, which is fine since they spent a bundle of money on it, but it seems there are no hot chicks left in New York that like the Mets, or at least I couldn’t find anything on the website.

The Philadelphia Phillies this year will go back to the big stage, after winning the division and the repeating for the 3rd time as N L Champs. Of course like any other prediction it’s based on the players being healthy, except for the Phillies where it’s based on Lidge being on the DL all season long. The Phillies website…

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…Okay so I am more comfortable with the Phillies website and can find things easily, there is no tacky slogan, although the Phillies do use a couple in commercials, the mascot is easily found, which as you can see, I caught him making sure there was space for the 2010 trophy. Anyone that’s seen a game in Philadelphia at the Bank or even prior at the Vet, will know the Phillies have ball girls, who are on hand for every home game and I understand are all fairly well accomplished softball players, sit near one if you can they are also at times very good conversationalists. So to sum
up the NL East without a biased view, the Phillies have the best looking ball girls, best looking website and the best chance to win the division again.


any sarcasm is not meant to offend,
unless it does, then consider the possibilities of more during the
season.

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trade names,
copyrights and patents are the property of their respective owners.

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N. L. Central Crystal Ball….

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The National League Central is probably the easiest of the divisions to select a winner, but could also be the one where it all goes wrong. This division could hinge on the performance and health of just 2 players, I will make clear those players when I get to the team they relate too. As always we’ll start with the team I think will end up in a heap of trouble this year.


The Houston Astros fans should consider the latest fashion accessory…

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…these NEW Ray Ban sunglasses will be needed to hide the Phillies glare on the players Ed Wade seems to think will work better in Astros uniforms when they didn’t work in Phillies red pinstripes. Ed Wade can be very good for the Astros, he just has to get over the fact that some players aren’t as good as he thought. It will be a tight race at the bottom of this division, but I think till Ed Wade gets over the fact that the players he really liked when he drafted them into the Phillies aren’t what he needs in Houston then the Astros will struggle to get out of the bottom spot, which is a shame, because the Astros are normally a very tough team especially in the final few weeks of the season.

The Chicago Cubs fans need nothing more than high speed internet and a wonderful download…

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…courtesy of our friends at RSBS they have explained it all for me and made it clear to the rest of the world as to why the Cubs will this year be a below .500 team. It’s true see for yourselves the video doesn’t lie, it’s from a very reliable inside source.

The Pittsburgh Pirates fans will be able to do some serious….

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…partying this year, no they’re not going to win the division or the ‘Wild Card’, but they will be a .500 or better team this season. They have everything going for them, a double McCutchen and believe it or not Milledge will be the player the Nats hoped he would be, just in a Pirates uniform.


The Milwaukee Brewers fans need a trip to Europe to visit….

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…my Brewers, okay so it’s not the same type of brewers, but still a worthwhile event especially in October, they have tours of this Kölsch brewery in Köln. It’s still a family run brewery, or it was when I was there last which is a few years ago now. Why this one because it’s got my name, it’s not actually my brewery. If you go around October time you’ll be able to hop a brief train ride to München and enjoy the Oktoberfest celebrations, as there will be no reason to celebrate for Brewers fans here in October.

The Cincinnati Reds fans may already have just the thing to help their season…

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…their very own easy button. No not because your going to walk away with the division, but because it’s going to be such hard work to stay up with the leading team, you’ll need something to make the occasional day seem easy.

The St. Louis Cardinals fans are going to enjoy another runaway year, the biggest problem for the STL fans is their unfortunate grasp on reality, so for that you will need your very own…

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St. Louis Cardinals ‘Virtual Reality’ machine, because of the delusions of a World Series you will need this machine to fulfill that fantasy, otherwise there may be suicidal tendencies, when a team from the East crushes your dreams as they move into the World Series. Now obviously this is all predicated on the fact that the player known as ‘Poo-hole’ doesn’t end up on the DL with back problems and of course that the now highest paid ‘butterfingers’ can actually catch a fly ball to left field.

any sarcasm is not meant to offend,
unless it does, then consider the possibilities of more during the
season.

trademarks,

trade names,
copyrights and patents are the property of their respective owners.

 


N. L. West Crystal Ball…

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The National League West is probably the hardest of the divisions to predict a winner and loser, not because the teams are so good, more because the teams are more evenly matched than the other divisions or in technical terms ‘more sucky’. So with this in mind, the division can change on the win or loss of a couple of key games or even players hitting the DL, or hitting something other than a baseball this year.

The San Diego Padres fans, like most in this division don’t need to spend much this year, but….

petcopark.jpg…should enjoy what they have, while they’ve got
it. Who knows how long PetCo Park will actually be PetCo Park, and lets
face it there is not much going to happen here over the next few years,
with Jeff Moorad needing another $145 million in 4 years to secure
ownership, he and his financing buddies will have essentially spent $290
million to own a $200 million debt that has almost no chance of winning
anything anytime soon.

The San Francisco Giants fans, should also enjoy more time at home this
year and do nothing but…

sanfran.jpg…try and enjoy the sounds and sights of your town and be thankful that Alcatraz is no longer operational, otherwise that’s where you’d have to go to watch games, because this year it’s going to seem like the Giants players and organization are nothing more than criminals taking your money for no return, the biggest disappointment for these fans will be the lack-luster performance of their star freak, Lincecum.

The Arizona Diamondbacks fans, should like so many others…

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…stay close to home, go visit the Grand Canyon if you haven’t already, because by the end of the season it’ll feel like the D’Backs have left a huge gaping hole in your life with the almost but not quite season.


The Los Angeles Dodgers fans, are going to have to spend the most in this division and trust me when I say you’ll need to find the perfect…

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…therapist. The reasons will become many and varied as the season progresses, but at the start of the season you are going to need a therapist, to get past the waring parents of the Dodgers as they go through a bitter divorce knowing the only ones to suffer are the kids or in this case the fans, then the fact that knowing you have another shot at the post season, by way of the ‘Wild Card’ spot, so you can be counseled for what can only be described as ‘PhilliePhobia’, the undying need to lose to the Phillies in post season play, and of course the Manny virus will hit this year and fans will need therapy to maintain there undying love for a guy that is trying to get his bobble-head night changed to a male version of Raggedy Ann dolls…


The Colorado Rockies fans, need to take lots of pictures so they can…

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…enjoy their trip to the top of the (Rocky) NL West Mountain this year, because the trip on this rocky road to the top of the division will result in a long hard fall early in post season play.

any sarcasm is not meant to offend,
unless it does, then consider the possibilities of more during the
season.

Other News:
A-Rod once again managed to avoid the face to face with the FBI, by ‘mutual’ agreement, yeah okay that’s about as believable as that other New York teams Reyes having a magical quick recovery from the thyroid imbalance or did that HGH just get flushed from his system.

trademarks,
trade names,
copyrights and patents are the property of their respective owners.


A. L. East Crystal Ball….

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How will the American League East surprise baseball fans come October 2010….

Like it or not here are my suggestions for
the fans of the AL East teams…


Toronto Blue Jays have nothing left in the tank and so fans in Toronto should….

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…buy themselves a fishing pole and enough beer to get through, what will be a long painful season for the Blue Jays fans.

Down in Baltimore things may not be much better, fans should consider buying…

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…an Orioles bird feeder, so at least they’ll get to see one type of Oriole happy this year.

New York Yankee fans enjoyed the ultimate result in 2009 and have probably spent enough on the memorabilia covering the World Series celebrations, this year however they may need to be more practical with lots of…

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…cheese for their WHINE WHINE WHINE during the season and some specially formulated tissues for those Yankee tears as they experience a season of ground outs, fly balls and strike outs instead of the walk-off wins of last year.

Down in sunny, warm Tampa Bay, the Rays fans should be prepared….

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 …with their sweatshirts and hoodies so they can enjoy the cooler air in the stands at Tropicana Field during the post season with their Wild Card winning ways in the AL East.

Up in Boston, Red Sox fans should consider…

RedSoxseason.jpg

…this selection of CD’s to get them through the season to win the AL East, but be warned save the ‘Pain Relief in a box’ CD to help overcome the Red Sox early exit from post season play.
 

any sarcasm is not meant to offend,
unless it does, then consider the possibilities of more during the
season


trademarks, trade names,
copyrights and patents are the property of their respective owners.


A. L. Central Crystal Ball

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How will the AL Central Division look come October 2010….

Like it or not here are my suggestions for the fans of the AL Central teams…

Kansas City Royals fans, as I see it have just but one choice…

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….a KU Jayhawks champions t-shirt, simply this will be the only team with the words Kansas and Champion together on sports memorabilia in 2010.

The Detroit Tigers fans are going to need to group together to get enough of this….

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….because the Tigers will be nothing more than tame kitties this year, and the fans will need as much kitty litter as possible to cover the crap that they will hear from the organization as to reasons why they almost finished last.

The Cleveland Indians fans have the most to do this year if they can achieve the status I  think they can, they will need to invest twice….

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tickets…tickets…tickets…because if no one goes to the games then the front office will continue to short change the fans on players. If you are one of the few that attend an Indians game be sure to have your disposable camera and take as many pics as you can of Grady Sizemore, a good, injury free year and he has potential to compete for the AL MVP this year and should almost definitely be selected to the All Star Game, but make sure the camera is disposable, just in case you can then throw it away if things don’t work out.

The Minnesota Twins fans will need to invest in a simple….

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….selection of dice of games, so they can get used to a crap shoot style season, one that could go either way, competing for the top spot or struggling to stay a middle of the road team.

The Chicago White Sox fans, should have but one thing to purchase come October….

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….something to make sure those sox are truly whiter than white to celebrate as AL Central champs, and what will probably be a brief post-season appearance this year.

any sarcasm is not meant to offend, unless it does, then consider the possibilities of more during the season

trademarks, trade names, copyrights and patents are the property of their respective owners.


A. L. West Crystal Ball….

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What will the American League West look like come October 2010. I know we are not even halfway through spring training and already I am looking to October. This is a time when I want to have a record i look back at and say “Jeeez  was I wrong” or “Wow I nailed that one”.

Like it or not here are a few suggestions for fans of the American League West teams…

Oakland A’s fans, I am suggesting that you…

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…invest some of your money in this Northwest Bolster Pillow at $19.99 Item no. 3538060 from the MLB shop, because the Oakland A’s are going to put you back to sleep this year and finish at the bottom of the division.

 L.A. Angels of Anaheim should consider reviewing the possible purchase of this….

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 Memory Company ‘Born to be’ Piggy Bank for $19.99, Item no. 3055337, from MLB shop, so you can start saving for game tickets for the 2011 season, because the Angels this year will disappoint as they struggle to stay in contention with the teams above them.

Texas Rangers fans should seriously consider splurging on the purchase of…

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Kolder Jersey Bottle Holder for $14.99, Item no. 3094273, from the MLB shop as I fear this is the only thing the Rangers will hold in 2010 as they once again fall short of the division title.

Seattle Mariners fans will need one of these….

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….Turner Licensing 2010 Box Calendar & Paper Cube for $21.99, Item no. 3785928, from the MLB shop, so that they can keep track of the post season games they will enjoy after winning the AL West division title for 2010.

any sarcasm is not meant to offend, unless it does, then consider the possibilities of more during the season.

…..and finally so as not to generate any hard feelings with a fellow blogger I have added a link to his blog to my side bar, so now you can navigate to both of these Tampa Bay fan blogs Rays Renegade and More Cowbell from my site…..

product images above are all from the respective teams online MLB shop, no guarentees on accuracy of pricing, please visit each teams MLB shop through the specific teams official website to make any purchase or for more information on these or any other products, trademarks, trade names, copyrights and patents are the property of their respective owners.


What nationality are you ?

Does it really matter what nationality
anyone is, in normal day to day events, probably not, or it shouldn’t
anyway. So why do I ask this all non important question.

St Patrick’s Day will soon be on us,
and this means everyone who even has a glimmer of what they may think is
Irish blood in their veins, professes to be Irish. This may be a
tradition in America, but in reality it’s just dumb. I don’t care if one
or both of your parents, your grandparents, your great grandparents or
some distant relative of a dog you once knew was somehow at sometime
distantly connected via blood or telephone to an Irish born person, if
you were born in the United States of America, you are NOT Irish.

I’ll agree you may be of Irish decent, but your not Irish and you
probably have no clue other than you can paint yourself green and get
drunk who St. Patrick was and why they have a St
Patrick’s Day
.

Some little known facts:

St. Patrick was most likely
British  – Americans have St
Patrick’s Day
as public holiday – in Britain it is not
Americans celebrate St Patrick’s Day
with much more vigor than the majority of Brits
.

St. Patrick, was born Maewyn Succat
to an Anglo-Roman family living in Wales – but he could have been born
in Brittany, England, Wales or Rome – In his teens he was kidnapped by
an Irish Pagan warlord, Niall of the Nine Hostag and forced into slavery
– After six years being held captive in Ireland, legend has it he had a
religious dream/vision and then he escaped to France.

He returned to Ireland to preach Christianity and convert the Pagans –
He used the Shamrock as part of his
religious teaching – the reason why the Shamrock is
the national emblem today – the original color associated with St
Patrick
was blue NOT green
St. Patrick is believed to have
been born in 415 AD an died on March 17th 493 AD.

The hype today around St. Patrick is
nothing more than the effects of the nationalism of the 18th century
when St. Patrick was a symbol used
by the Irish to differentiate themselves from the British, it was not
who he was, but more his legacy that was the element used.

It was around 1737 in Boston that many of the Irish settlers held the
first big
St
Patrick’s Day
parade,
which has developed into street parties etc, in a number of major cities
in countries around the world.

If your going to go out and celebrate this St.
Paddy’s Day
remember, Guinness, is not for everyone, green
beer
comes in many varied brands, paint
yourself green
if you wish, but there are 4 key DON’TS
you should note….

1 – DON’T drink and drive – it’s
illegal everywhere and costs lives

2 – DON’T pretend to be half Irish,
if you meet a real Irish man or woman,  and then tell them it was
on your great great grandmothers side, pretending to be any nationality
other than what you are can be an insult not a compliment to the people
that are truly from that country and could cause adverse side effects,
or even hospitalization.

3 – DON’T eat the green snow or
drink from a glass you didn’t see get filled.

4 – DON’T
tell anyone you saw a
leprechaun,
even if you think you did.

 

 any sarcasm is not meant to
offend, unless it does, then consider the possibilities of more during
the season.